Never Let Me Go
by Emelinee Baconinee Tortalinee
Summary: A year on from the events of the Memory World, Ryou Bakura has never felt more alone. The scars of his past run deep and its ghosts continue to haunt him, and it is on a cool autumn's day, down by the ocean, that Ryou finally decides to end it all.


AN: This fanfic was inspired by a Florence & The Machine song (I'm unsure if it has the same title as the fic, sorry), and I'd urge anyone reading this to listen to the song, as it's absolutely beautiful. As we all know, Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs to Kazuki Takahashi, not me. I really hope you enjoy this and leave a review with your feedback.

It was a quiet, almost eerie calm that had settled over Ryou Bakura that morning as he watched the sun rise over the ocean. There was a slight chill in the air but Ryou ignored it, too mesmerized by the brilliant colours of the dawn. The blazing, fiery orange softened to a glorious pale pink as far as the eye could see. The ocean rolled and stretched far beyond the horizon, the sight filling Ryou with a giddy combination of dread and anticipation. His hands shook slightly, although whether from fear or the cold, Ryou could not tell. They rose instinctively to his chest, and Ryou bit back a humourless laugh when they grabbed at the loose fabric of his shirt. He was so used to the Ring being there, even after all these years. He could never let go of the past.

_The glass smashed against the wall, inches from Ryou's head. Shards rained down to the floor and Ryou flinched away from them, an involuntary cry of alarm slipping out of his mouth. His back was against the wall and he felt cornered; trapped like some wild animal. But surely he couldn't be a danger to anyone. Could he? He'd tried so hard not to hurt anyone, but the spirit was too strong for him. It overpowered him each and every time, and even fighting with everything he had was not enough. The Sennen Ring, still dangling around his neck, almost appeared to be mocking him._

'Nobody will believe you,' _the spirit whispered in his mind._ 'Nobody ever believes the little freak with no friends.' _Ryou clutched at his head, half convinced he was losing his mind. What if his father was right? The man in question still stood in front of him, dark eyes blazing behind his glasses. What if he was right? What if there was no spirit inside the Ring? What if Ryou was simply going insane?_

"_No! I'm not going insane! I'm not! I can hear him, I can see him, I _know_ he's real!" The frantic scream tore out of Ryou and echoed mockingly around him, bouncing off of the walls and ringing in his ears as the spirit laughed. Tears burned Ryou's eyes and blurred his vision, and he rapidly tried to blink them away. It was no use, and the ache in his heart rose into an agonizing, shuddering sob. His legs felt too weak to hold him anymore and he slid to the floor, desperately trying to hold himself together. His father, seeing the pitiful sight his son had become, felt some of his anger begin to fade. He stepped gingerly over the broken glass; throat tightening painfully as he realized exactly what he had thrown in his fit of blind rage. The frame was completely destroyed, the photo aging and worn. His wife smiled up at him, her wide grin bringing back the rising flood of memories. It was only the pained whimper from his son that brought him back into the present, and he tore his eyes away from the photograph as he inched nearer to Ryou. Ryou stiffened, flinching away, but his father was not to be put off._

"_Ryou, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown that at you; I don't know what I was thinking." He apologised gently. Ryou paid no attention to his apology, shaking his head fiercely._

"_I'm not insane. I know I'm not. I know he's real." He muttered under his breath, and Ryou's father shook his head sadly. He never should have bought Ryou that antique Ring. The death of his mother and sister had broken him beyond repair, and now he was convinced the Ring was speaking to him. He ought to get rid of it, but it had called to him that day in Egypt. Something had urged him to buy it, and now Ryou was terrified of it._

"_Okay, Ryou. You're not insane. But there is _nothing_ in that Ring; you need to believe me. Can you do that?" Ryou wanted to nod, but he couldn't. He simply could not believe his father. How could he, when the spirit was still whispering in his head this very second?_

'I told you no one would believe you.'

Ryou looked away from the ocean, glancing around the empty beach. There wasn't a soul in sight; he was the only person here. Perfect. He'd checked the forecast late last night and he knew he didn't have much time left. Soon people would be flooding the beach, enjoying the last strains of the late summer sun and the sweet coolness that the ocean brought. Ryou should be getting ready, but it was so tempting to simply stand here and breath in all of the beautiful sights. The silence let him think with a perfect peace and clarity. Everything had been done. Nothing had been forgotten; no one overlooked. Ryou would slip out of this world and no one would even notice. There would be no tears, no fuss. No unnecessary sadness. There would only be life, continuing as normal.

Slowly, Ryou's hands relaxed against his chest. They no longer shook, and Ryou felt perfectly calm. Instead his hands rose higher, and began to undo one of his shirt buttons. Then another, and another, until he was able to shrug off his shirt with no obstructions. The wind hit his bare skin and he shivered, not quite expecting it to be so cold. He didn't let it bother him though, and his fingers gently traced the five pale scars on his chest. They were five identical crescent shapes on his torso, and an unwelcome shudder ran down Ryou's spine at the sight of them.

_Ryou's eyes flickered around the bustling changing room, the dread beginning to sink in. A few boys began shooting suspicious looks at him and he let his gaze drop to the floor, a humiliated blush rising in his cheeks at being caught looking. He knew there were rumours going around already that he was gay, which was rubbish, of course, and anyway, it was more worry than attraction that had him peering around at the other boys. He couldn't put it off any longer. He would have to get changed at some point. Having been at Domino High a month already, he'd missed four PE sessions, and he had been threatened with detention each time. He couldn't afford to get into any more trouble. His fingers fiddled with the buttons of his school shirt as he worried. If he took off his shirt, everyone would see the marks. The five cuts had barely healed; still an angry red colour that reminded Ryou vividly of the bright blood spilling over his chest and soaking through his shirt. He couldn't bear to let anyone see them. They'd assume it was some form of abuse, and he couldn't let anyone know that he lived alone. He was stuck._

"_Are you all right, Ryou?" Ryou looked up at the sound of Jonouchi's voice, seeing the boy's dark eyes filled with concern. Yuugi was close behind him, and Ryou felt his anxiety lessen somewhat as his friends smiled at him. Then he remembered Jonouchi's concern and his growing smile faded to a frown. His eyes flickered towards the Sennen Ring poking out of his school bag, and understanding dawned in Yuugi's eyes._

"_Did the spirit hurt you?' Yuugi asked softly, lowering his voice sp that the students around them wouldn't hear. Ryou nodded wordlessly, and Jonouchi's eyes darkened with outrage._

"_Are you not able to do sports because of it?" Yuugi asked, suddenly scared that his friend was badly injured, but Ryou shook his head._

"_No… but I think it's going to leave scars." Ryou's voice trembled with fear as he recalled the way the Ring's spikes had ripped savagely into his flesh, and just the memory of the pain left him feeling faint._

"_Just what did that creep do to you?" Jonouchi demanded, and Ryou swallowed audibly with his nerves. He glanced around again at the other boys, checking to see that no one was watching, before shakily unbuttoning his shirt. Yuugi and Jonouchi both sucked in sharp, horrified breaths at the sight of the torn skin and symmetrical curves that made up Ryou's upper chest, and Ryou hastily re-buttoned his shirt, desperate to have the wounds hidden once more. His expression was pained and his breaths unsteady, and Jonouchi placed a comforting hand on Ryou's shoulder._

"_Don't worry, Ryou. We'll help you get rid of him one day. We promise."_

The cold touch of the wind no longer bothered Ryou. He forced himself to look away from the scars, bending slowly to lift his discarded shirt up off of the sand. He folded it, gently, immersing himself in the task to escape the haunting memories. Only when Ryou was satisfied that his folding was immaculate did he kneel and place the shirt softly back onto the sand. He paused for a moment, absent-mindedly tracing circles in the sand. His thoughts were drifting, flickering past all of the faces in his memory. So many lives he had ruined, so many people he could have saved… But no more. Nobody else would suffer after today because of Ryou.

With new conviction, Ryou rose to his feet and slid the rest of his clothes off, letting them fall beside his neatly folded shirt with little care for the garments. He was left standing completely naked to the world, every hair on his body standing on end from the chill of the early morning air. Despite the cold there was something glorious about being so exposed to nature; something undeniably right about leaving the world exactly as he had come into it.

Well, almost exactly. Ryou had been alive almost nineteen years, and it pained him to realize how little he had accomplished in that time. He had lost so much in eighteen years. He had lost his family, his friends, his childhood. And, he realized now, his future. Ryou had never had the chance to dream, or make something of his life. And if he didn't know how to do that now, would he ever?

He didn't have time to contemplate that now. The world was waking up around him, and he was rapidly running out of time. Ryou straightened, taking one last moment to take in the world around him. The sky was already a brilliantly blue colour, with only a few feathery white clouds scattered across the horizon. Ryou smiled to himself. It was a beautiful day to die.

_The sun was high above Ryou's head as he entered the cemetery. The tombstones cast long, elegant shadows all around Ryou, leaving spots of cool shade amongst the vibrant green grass. To anyone else, the shadows and the quiet would probably have seemed quite unnerving, but to Ryou, it simply felt like home. He strolled past gleaming white tombstones and dark stone monuments, only coming to a stop when he reached two black marble headstones inscribed with startlingly white calligraphic script. Glancing around to see that no one else was around, Ryou knelt in front of the two graves, ignoring the cold seeping through his trousers from the damp grass. In front of one grave were slightly wilted tulips; his mother's favourite. In front of the second grave were damp, curling sheets of paper. Letters. It took Ryou only a second to replace the old sheets with the dry, new letter from his pocket. Unfolding it, he looked almost shyly to both graves._

"_I wrote this letter for both of you." Ryou's voice was barely above a whisper, and when he looked down he saw that his hands were trembling. A wry smile touched his lips. He was never normally this nervous- perhaps the strangeness of what he had been doing for so many years had finally hit him. Ryou often saw others talking to loved ones in the cemetery, but how many of them spent every night writing a letter to the one they had lost? Ryou suspected it was a small number._

_Not that it mattered to him. Ryou didn't mind being in the minority, and he felt guilty for even considering what he did odd in the first place. Forcing his nerves aside, Ryou cleared his throat and began to read._

"_Mother, I know I don't write to you a lot, and I hope you understand why. It's not that I don't love you, because I do. It's just that Amane had me promise long before she died that I would help her learn how to read, and I couldn't bring myself to break that promise when she died. I never had a chance to say anything to her when she died. But you- you lasted another two months, and I thought that would be enough to tell you everything I wanted to say." Ryou paused, angrily blinking back tears. He could not shake the image from his mind, of his mother; lying frail and broken in her bed just days before her heart gave out. She had been almost completely paralysed, and endured so much pain, and yet she had tried so hard for her grieving husband and son. Ryou had already lost his little sister. He couldn't lose his mother, too; not yet. It was all too soon, too fast, and yet there had been nothing they could do to stop it. Ryou was left with no mother and no sister and, eventually, no father._

"_The reason I'm writing to you now it because I'm scared. Really, really scared." Ryou glanced away briefly, aware of how furious the spirit would be when it realized Ryou had left the Sennen Ring behind. Ryou had never brought the Ring with him to the cemetery, and he never would. There was no one to protect Ryou from the Ring, no one to help him. Only an hour or two of escape in front of his mother and sister's graves._

"_When you died, Father went on an archaeology trip to Egypt for a few months- and he got me this Ring. And… there's someone _inside_ it. Someone nasty, and evil, and terrifying- and my friends keep telling me they'll help me but they never do anything! I can't get rid of it on my own and if I try, it just hurts me. I don't know what to do. Father just thinks I'm going crazy, and sometimes I don't even know what to think anymore. I need your help, Mother. Please. I need you."_

Ryou wasn't scared anymore. And, even as he faced the ocean, knowing how little time he had left, there was no fear within his heart. He knew deep down that his mother would not have wanted this; that Amane would have been furious with him for choosing this end. Ryou hadn't dared to visit their graves one last time, knowing that if he did, it would only make what he was about to do that much harder. There was no room for doubts. It was time to go.

Ryou walked towards the ocean, flinching only slightly when his foot hit the water. It was cold; colder than he had expected. Still, it couldn't be helped now. Ryou walked further, desperately trying to ignore the chill of the water and the way every inch of his body seemed to scream in protest at the thought of enduring such freezing temperatures. He knew he would be grateful for colder water later, when it hurried the process. If the water was warm, it would only take Ryou longer to die. He wanted this to be quick, with no chance of anyone finding him. He was just having a hard time convincing his body that the cold was benefiting him.

He took another step, and the sea reached his hips. Another step, and his scars were obscured. Violent shivers were beginning to wrack his body, his pale skin developing a bluish tinge where it met the water's edge. Maybe Ryou should have thought of a better way of doing this. If he'd waited for next spring, when the water would be warmer, he'd only have lost his nerve and forgotten about it. It was taking every ounce of his bravery to do this now, today. The others would call him a coward for this; say that picking death wasn't brave at all. Maybe it was cowardice, but wasn't it better than hanging around and ruining even more lives? Ryou would never have a real life. He shouldn't even have been born at all. If he didn't exist, Amane and his mother would still be alive. Yuugi would never have been tormented by the spirit of the Sennen Ring. Marik would have been defeated so much faster. Every bad thing was Ryou's fault, and if it was too late for him to undo his past mistakes, he could at least prevent more. Maybe it wasn't the brave thing to do. But in Ryou's eyes, it was the right thing.

Ryou was beginning to lose his footing, up to his neck in icy water. His heart had begun to pound with fear, and he urged himself to stay calm. Panic at this point would only be a catastrophe, and he couldn't risk someone noticing him. Besides, if he stayed calm, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much. Ryou didn't know much about this, other than that drowning was supposed to be extremely unpleasant. He swallowed audibly, beginning to regret his decision. He couldn't change his mind; not now. He wouldn't back out!

Then, quite unexpectedly, a tear rolled down his cheeks. No others followed, but there was a sudden pang in his heart that hurt far more than any agony the spirit of the Ring had put him through. All he could see was Amane, smiling sweetly at him through a thick fringe of ebony black hair.

"_Ryou!" Ryou heard the delighted squeal the second he and his father walked through the front door, and he laughed when the small child practically threw herself into his arms. Her small arms clutched at his school shirt, face flushed with delight at the sight of her older brother. Although only approaching five, Amane was a strong, lively child determined to match her eight-year-old brother in every skill. She was developing quickly, at least in terms of intelligence, but despite what everyone said to him, Ryou loved his little sister far too much to ever be jealous. He gently set her down, unable to carry her weight, but she still clung to him. Her dark eyes were filled with adoration for her sibling, who didn't hesitate in returning her friendly smile. Her smile wavered then, and a moment later Amane's face was buried in Ryou's shirt as she embraced him. Startled by her sudden change in emotion, Ryou looked around questioningly and caught his mother's eye, who simply smiled affectionately at him._

"_She missed you." Ryou looked down at Amane, and at the protective way he held her close to him. A new, determined feeling began to rise inside him, and Ryou gently bent his head to whisper five words to Amane._

"_I'll never leave you again."_

The ache in Ryou's heart had grown unbearable. There was a lump in his throat that threatened more tears, and it made breathing practically impossible. Just as well, Ryou reasoned. The less oxygen he had in his lungs, the quicker he'd die. And so, choking on his final breath, Ryou plunged into the ocean. His sudden movement caused a gentle ripple across the water's surface, and then the water was still.

The first thing that struck Ryou was the salty sting of water in his eyes. He refused to close them, though, some tiny part of his mind determined to see this through to the end. He'd keep his eyes open as long as he could, regardless of the pain it caused. When he glanced upwards he caught sight of the surface, where the sun's rays were refracted and cast gorgeous, shimmering patterns of light across the water. _This is what I want my last sight to be,_ Ryou thought dazedly, transfixed by the beauty of the sight above his head. _This is what I'll see when I die._

His vision was only obscured when his snowy white hair began to drift through the water. When loose, his hair usually stayed perfectly in place, but underwater, it was free to go wild. A soft smile touched Ryou's lips at the mere thought of going as wild as his hair. All his life he had stayed polite and quiet, never doing anything to upset others or the calm around him by revealing the pain inside him. Now, though? Even simply taking his own life could be seen as an act of defiance. He would not let life keep him around if it meant he would only hurt others. No, with his death, Ryou was not only escaping a life of misery, but he was letting everyone else in the world escape the danger he posed. This was right. This was… good. The water's chill had numbed his body enough that he could not fight his fate, and yet even as he drifted further from the ocean's surface, his mind was in a whirlwind. Half forgotten memories flashed past, the past and the present blurring together in Ryou's dizzy state of mind.

"_Get out! Get out!" Ryou cried, head clutched in both hands as he stumbled out of the bathroom. In the mirror he had caught only the barest flicker of red in his light eyes, but it had been enough to terrify him. The spirit had returned. It had left him alone for months, and after Duellist Kingdom, Ryou had started to foolishly believe that it was gone for good. But, no. It had only been plotting its next move, and now the spirit's cruel taunts followed him everywhere he went._

'Did you really believe you were rid of me? Stupid brat. I _own_ you, and I always will. You're weak and pathetic- little wonder you have no friends!' _The spirit cackled, and Ryou desperately shook his head in denial._

"_That's not true! Yuugi's my friend, and Jonouchi, and Honda and Anzu! They're my friends!" Ryou's protest only received malicious laughter, and Ryou felt his resolve beginning to falter at the sudden conviction in the spirit's next words._

'Friends? Don't make me laugh! If they're really your friends, then where are they? Why are you only with them when _I_ have control of your body? You're not their friend. You're just a foolish little tag along, desperate to fit in when everyone knows just what a little freak you are.' _The words cut deep into Ryou's heart, and he swallowed down a sob. He wouldn't cry. Not now. He would be strong in the face of the spirit; the demon inside his mind. This was _his_ body, and he had control over it._

_With this in mind, Ryou strode resolutely into his kitchen. The spirit continued to sneer at him but Ryou ignored it, only uncertain when his eyes fell upon the large knife left carelessly on the counter. Did he really have the courage to go through with this? He held the knife up to his face, head tilted thoughtfully._

"_You need a body to survive, don't you? If I… If I was gone… you wouldn't have anywhere to go." Ryou spoke softly to hide the trembling of his voice. In his mind, the spirit was enraged by the threat._

'You really think it's that easy to get rid of me?' _Ryou's hold on the knife tightened as control of his hand was stolen. Ryou fought against the awful sensation of being so controlled, but all he could do was watch as the spirit tossed the knife aside so it clattered noisily to the floor. Cruel laughter filled Ryou's head as the spirit spoke._

'Even in death you won't be rid of me, Ryou.'

Was that true? Was Ryou really not rid of him now? The water was choking him, the weight of it crushing him, and yet Ryou had never felt freer in his life. His story was coming to an end, and no one had pushed him into making this decision. He was dying by his own terms, and there was a sick sense of satisfaction in knowing that.

He was dying. His hazy mind seemed to accept the sudden, harsh reality of what he was doing, and all at once the pain hit him. His lungs were screaming

_-spikes tearing through his chest, agony too much to bear-_

and his heart was struggling to keep its pace, each beat weaker than the last

_-not even enough breath to scream as the spirit tortured him with his own hands-_

Ryou had sworn to himself that he wouldn't struggle, that he'd die calmly, but now his legs thrashed and his back arched, and every heaving breath only choked him even more

_-I _own_ you, and I always will-_

Ryou _didn't_ regret his decision; he didn't, he _couldn't_! Dying was right; it was the only way he could stop himself hurting other people! No one else would suffer, only Ryou

_-I'm not insane; I know I'm not-_

oh, but Ryou had suffered all his life, didn't he deserve something better?

_-suspicious stares, no one believed him; he hadn't hurt anyone!-_

now wasn't the time for self-pity. His vision was blurring, the salt water burning and bringing tears to his eyes that the ocean stole before he even had a chance to realize he was crying

_-Please, Mother, I need you-_

the darkness swallowed Ryou whole, plunging him into a chaotic world that was all _hurt_, and _cold_

_-the spirit's voice in his mind was so cold, chilling his blood, paralysing his heart, so_ cold_-_

and heart wrenching sadness

_-Amane was smiling, still laughing but her eyes were so empty; they said it had been fast but all that agony crushed into one second inflicted onto his little sister was too much for Ryou to stand-_

even in his dying state, Ryou's heart was still breaking at the thought of Amane, the ache of her loss eclipsing all the ache and pain of drowning

_-is this how much it hurt when she died?-_

"I'll never leave you again."

AN: Thoughts? I would just like to say here that I really don't think anyone should ever consider suicide, and it was certainly odd putting myself in that mindset for this fic. If anyone is struggling with their life, _please_ don't commit suicide- even if I haven't exactly given a pleasant message with this fanfic, I pray that nobody else tries to take their own life.

Other than that, I hope readers enjoyed this oneshot, depressing as it was, and I'd love some reviews and feedback.


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